Knotted hemp bracelet around the wrist of the Statue of Liberty.
Grab 'n Go mountain of AR-15s.
Russell Brand's visa.
AI that is rude or a threat to the continuation of the human race.
Any official distinction between North and South Dakota.
Tesla Autopilot's seven-beer setting.
Elon Musk's sink from his 2022 'let' this sink” joke.
Elon Musk's life-size statue of Dilbert mischievously giving the finger to the 'deep state'.
The right to a fair and impartial trial for every ex who slept with his aerial yoga guru.
Consulates represent countries that haven't really surprised us lately.
Half-eaten bowl of pad Thai that has been sitting in the back of the National Fridge for two weeks.
One and a half million tons of sulfur dioxide pollution, sent to Canada by hand.
A plain looking bald eagle putting down the majesty of the others.
The thousands of stockpiled 'Make America Great Again' hospital masks.
That one person without a podcast. Away!
Any novel that requires a detailed map at the beginning.
A very large plastic bucket full of spare cryptocurrency.
A blurry Mike Lindell, a few meters across the Mexican border, with a MyPillow in his arms.
All NFTs feature Trump wearing an American flag cape.
Any NFT, period.
All those old arrowheads and bullet casings from the Civil War.
Some syllables from 'Mississippi' – a few may be lost.
Costumes for Bill Clinton's presidential library mascot, Blowy the Flirtious Saxophone.
The deepfake sex tape of Tucker Carlson making sloppy, messy love to his own ego.
Hooverdam?
Two or three dumpsters worth of fake IDs and “imposter wigs” from Rep. George Santos.
The Franklin Mint's January 6 commemorative Coin-and-Hummel set.
All the stray frisbees in the Grand Canyon.
The rarely visited Smithsonian Museum of Vintage Absolut Vodka Ads.
Old train set (the transcontinental railroad).
The one who designs shoes for Ron DeSantis.
The architect who came up with the open office plan.
Jimmy Buffett's entire music catalog (blame it on a “terrible mix-up”).
Every golden cup from the show universe of 'Love Is Blind'.
Society's collective memory of 'balloon boy'.
Mustachioed high-end mocktail mixologists.
People who graffiti trees.
Assholes who say “cool beans.”
Countless unused checks and balances.
Limp Bizkit's giant prop toilet from Ozzfest '99, which racked up a fortune in storage fees.
The professional title 'Internet detective'.
Waves of grain starting to look more beige than amber.
Huge granite Oakley sunglasses that Biden ordered to “brighten” the Lincoln Memorial.
The Chevy at the dike because the dike is still dry.
Any rendition of the national anthem longer than forty-five seconds.
SCOTUS has nine judges, but “The Masked Singer” seems to be doing just fine with four.
Do we really need that? two shining seas?
That oddly shaped rubber gasket we found under the carpet and couldn't part with because yeah, it's probably junk, but it also might be the only thing holding this big, stupid country together. ♦
