Premier League awards set: Declan Rice, Cole Palmer, Dominic Solanke, plus teams of the season and more

The English game is America's plaything. And look, as an employee of the Columbia Broadcasting System, I'm not complaining about the influx of eyeballs and money from across the Atlantic. However, it feels like the Premier League is missing some of the finer aspects of American sports.

We're talking awards season folks. It's not necessarily the case that spring football is short on individual hurls. They're just so relentlessly the same and safe. Three major prizes for the player of the year. Two young player of the year hurlers that Hans Moleman has only recently outgrown. One poor team of the year. A Hall of Fame that still hasn't filled itself with the most obvious members.

Does it matter that there aren't more awards to celebrate the best of a very talented collection of footballers? Not really, but it is equally a shame that Luka Modric can charm England for four years without winning a league-wide award. That may not be the most embarrassing aspect of the 2010s for Britain, but do we really need more reasons to collectively look at our feet as we venture to the continent? We should be able to hold our heads up high and say yes, we gave Modric three All Premier League Second XIs and that was enough.

Anyway, if you can't tell by now, we're taking some of the awards from American sports and applying them to the Premier League. Read more. It will be fun:

Player of the Season: Declan Rice

You still have to have the classics, though, even if it's curious that the Premier League felt compelled to shortlist their player of the season from just eight candidates. Even more so if that means people like Rodri And Bukayo Saka do not make the cut. Winner of the Football Writers' Association Phil Foden did and for a long time he seemed to be one of the frontrunners for the prize Declan Rice, whose transformative impact on Arsenal's defense and propensity for clutch goals on the other end make him the pick of this column.

Young Player of the Season: Lot Udogie

The reward that never quite seems to work. Sake, Erling Haaland and Phil Foden have all been nominated for the Premier Lea League Young Player of the Season. They're a bit… old, aren't they? That could only be due to the sheer weight of matches they've played, but it still seems perverse that those with over 100 top matches are judged against ingénues. A quick change to the eligibility criteria fixes this, limiting the prize to those who are 21 at the end of the season. Do that and the winner is obvious: Tottenham's great young left-back Lot Udogie.

Rookie of the Season: Cole Palmer

And now I realize that I have imposed criteria that mean I cannot give Cole Palmer the award he clearly deserves. Doesn't matter, I'll make another one. When I asked for suggestions for other prizes you'd like to see in this brave new world, many of you said signing of the season. Bah, please let's not glorify the excesses of the summer months more than for web traffic.

However, we can create a bit of room for this kind of award for a Premier League rookie, although we'll be playing fast and loose with that definition so we can fit in those who may have gotten development minutes the previous year but haven't yet . have only really established this for themselves. Set the threshold for any player with less than 1,000 minutes played before the previous season and your winner is clear. It's Palmer.

Defensive Player of the Season: Gabriel

Because centre-backs never win the Ballon d'Or… yes, I appreciate choosing a player of the year who many would call a DM, but it's his seven goals and nine assists that make Rice my number make one in the Premier League. In terms of pure defending, it has to be the man who embodies both Arsenal's rise and the best backline in the country: Gabriel.

Most Improved Player of the Season: Dominic Solanke

This is a bit clumsy. Amadou Onana has made leaps and bounds under Sean Dyche, but would we be overestimating the natural progression many players make in their second year of the Premier League? Brennan Johnson sets up expected goals and chances like he didn't last season, but that hot streak in a Nottingham forest shirt makes it a bit difficult to celebrate two more goals. Dominic Solanke seems the best option, a solid forward in 2022-2023 who has now taken the leap to be seriously and credibly linked to the biggest clubs across the country.

Bench player of the season: Scott McTominay

Cribs of the N.B.AFor Sixth Man of the Year, we're looking for someone who delivers a lot of big results, but who, looking at the history of winners, might not be a valuable starter for a winning team. Scott McTominay, This award could be named after you.

Manager of the Season: Unai Emery

All respect for Pep Guardiola and Sean Dyche, but this winner has to come from the Basque Country. Andoni Iraola has turned around Bournemouth in a serious Premier League team, Mikel Arteta has turned Arsenal into a very serious European team, but Unai Emery, despite a late season surge, had Aston Villa equally convinced that they could be title contenders.

Executive Team of the Season: Brighton

Not all awards will be sexy, the kind we can rank throughout the season to fill some editorial gaps. At some point you have to celebrate the guys who have made a lot of money for their team. Congratulations Brighton and Hove Albion.

Game of the Season: Chelsea 4, Manchester United 3

Fortunately, we do this for the Premier League, the most vibrant sporting competition in the world. The best game of the season doesn't have to be a masterclass in tactics, coaches and players reacting on the fly to deliver football at its best. We just need as much bullshit as possible. So it was clear that this would involve two or more Tottenham, Chelsea and Chelsea Manchester United. Luckily for us, the latter duo delivered results a 4-3 of such brazen stupidity on April 5 that it deserves its own wing in the Hall of Fame.

Teams of the Season

Let's keep this short. Ben Whitehas been robbed (by me) but Kyle Walker is just so important to Man City. Top left ones are hard to find. I'm sorry Pascal Gross, I really wanted you to be at least one team higher. And yes, if we field multiple teams of the season, we are giving in to English tradition in at least one aspect. They all play 4-4-2.

All PL First XI: Alisson; Kyle Walker William Saliba, Gabriel, Lot Udogie; Bukayo Saka, Declan Rice, Rodri, Phil Foden; Erling Haaland Ollie Watkins

All PL Second XI: Emiliano Martinez; Ben White, Ruben Dias, Virgil van Dijk, Antonee Robinson; Cole Palmer Martin Odegaard, Alexis MacAllister, Heung-min-son; Dominic Solanke, Alexander Isaac

All PL Third XI: David Raya; Pedro Porro, Jarrad Branthwaite, Joachim Andersen, Josko Gvardiol; Bernardo Silva, Pascal Gross, Bruno Fernandes, Anthony Gordon; Jarrod Bowen Kai Havertz

Oh, you thought we were done there. Oh no! What people really want is an All Defense XI, which celebrates the most industrious centre-forwards and the full backs who actually defend.

All PL Defense XI: Emiliano Martinez; Kyle Walker, William Saliba, Gabriel, Josko Gvardiol; Bukayo Saka, Rodri, Declan Rice, Conor Gallagher; Julian Alvarez, Neal Maupay

And finally an All Rookie XI, where we will play a little looser with positioning. Yes, I know Joao Gomes signed in January 2023. View the minutes!

All PL Rookie XI: Guglielmo Vicario; Teden Mengie, Micky van de Ven, Dad Torres, Lot Udogie; Cole Palmer, Joao Gomes, Mohamed Kudus, Jeremy Doku; Carlton MorrisNicholas Jackson