How are you, boss? My name is Bennet, and I'm the lead employee here at Phat Nectar Dispensaries. I'm super happy you came by today.
Whether you're new to smoking, or have been a while since discovering the now thriving world of recreational cannabis, our store offers the finest quality and variety of flower, pre-rolls, extracts, dabs, disposables, and vape cartridges.
I know it can be overwhelming to pick out the right weed, but that's why I'm here. Let me show you a few options so we can find the perfect strain for you.
Turpentine gelato
Okay, so this guy here has your standard one-to-one CBD to THC ratio, which means it offers a really nice, balanced high. I recommend it if you're up for a relaxing movie night at home where you spend the entire movie's duration thinking about whether everyone you've ever been friends with secretly hates you. It is certainly one of our most popular varieties.
Tax daydream
This is one of my personal favorites. It has a great terpene profile, so it's a great fit if you want to confront the fact that your dad has an inner life just like yours, and he's doing the best he can. This is in our Premium Flower tier, so it's a little more expensive, but we're currently running a fifteen percent promotion if you enter your phone number at one of the checkout kiosks.
Jazz Fusion Cookie Cake
Take a look here under the light. See those little orange hairs? This strain is really cool because it's essentially our breeders' attempt to answer the question, “Many old buildings have roofs that collapse. Why would your building look any different?” Another nice aspect of this strain is that if you smoke it before playing a board game with friends, you may not be able to process or remember the simple rules, which you can extrapolate into a panic attack about whether you will develop dementia if you are older.
Skittles for teenagers
I love this strain for its creativity. It's perfect for solo brainstorming sessions about backup careers – your cousin works at a Verizon store, and those guys really make decent money if you become a manager, right? – for when the other shoe inevitably drops and your employer fires you after you finally discover what an incompetent fraudster you are. Feel free to give it a scent, and let me know if you like how it hits your nose.
Finnegans Wake 'n' Bake
I know you said you're dealing with a bit of anxiety. My friend Craig studied psychology at UC Boulder during his first semester of freshman year, so I can totally relate. If you're looking for something to help you relax, this strain's higher CBD concentration provides a nice, calming body high. It will relax you enough to try calling the Mediterranean restaurant on your street to order takeaway. From there, the heavy crystal deposits mean you won't know whether you've been on the phone for thirty seconds or twenty-five minutes. Definitely a super vibe high.
Strawberry HVAC
Okay, man, we've talked about a lot, and I know there are a lot of options. But honestly, dude, it just comes down to whether you prefer indicas or sativas. A mnemonic I'd like to share with people to help them remember the difference is that “in-di-ca” makes you feel like you're “in-da-catastrophizing” in the throes of an existential downturn due to fact that you 'learned math'. wrong' in high school, and that you should set a phone reminder to relearn math correctly, and maybe take one of those free online Khan Academy classes, because relearning math somehow makes the regret of your adult life, righting your wrongs, and ridding you of the onslaught of anxiety that accompanies most of your waking thoughts.” Simple, right? So yeah, if it seems like indicas are your jam, I highly recommend this strain.
That's about it, boss. Call me if you have any questions. There is an ATM at the door, and if you need lighters or rolling papers, let me know!
