Parents in a chain | The New Yorker

MURIEL: Thank you to all the parents who participated in this year's Books Not Phones bake sale. We achieved our goal and had great sex.

MURIEL: *Nice* *very nice* Grrr autocorrect.😾

DIANE: Thanks for organizing, Mur! The library gets some much needed $.

CONNOR: Chicken sits in winter scroll?

MURIEL: ???

CONNOR: Sari. *Isn't it wonderful?*

DIANE: Do you drive, Con? I asked you not to text and drive.

CONNOR: Mosquito ride, run 2 measurement run.

WINONA: I wanted to apologize for the zucchini date bread fiasco. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Was so popular last year. I'm not sure what happened.

HANNAH: Zucchini date bread was my favorite! No excuses needed!

WINONA: Took almost all the loaves home. Even the sample plate was full. 😔

MEREDITH: I was worried I had priced my fudge too high, but it turned out fine.

HANNAH: Fudge was a bestseller! [Tina Turner “Simply the Best” GIF.]

MURIEL: ❤️

DIANE: ❤️

CONNOR: Fuddle was a sewing grid! Eye 8 weighs 2 mini!

MEREDITH: Sold out by noon.

WINONA: Fudge always sells, right? Actually candy.

MEREDITH: ?

WINONA: The purpose of zucchini date bread is to have a kind of nutrition with sweetness. [Link to Times article on childhood obesity.] Not for this audience!

MURIEL: In any case, the stocked library is v. tank full. *staff* *grateful*

WINONA: I wanted bread to sell well for the library, but also for Ava. She helped me achieve this this year.

HANNAH: It was so nice to see Ava there! What a sweety!

WINONA: I wish she hadn't come. Then I could have lied and said it was popular haha. 🤥

MURIEL: Because we met our goal, the library can use Bookmobile to reach children who might not otherwise have access to breasts. *books*

HANNA: What a great cause! Kids these days are so distracted by phones!

MURIEL: . . .

MURIEL: . . .

MURIEL: . . .

MURIEL: Sorry, I was just off the phone with Dan. He wanted to congratulate everyone, but is having surgery.

MEREDITH: Thanks, Daan!

HANNAH: Dan is great!

MURIEL: I'm a happy girl. 😊

WINONA: I saw Dan spit out monster.

MURIEL: ???

WINONA: I stood behind your stall and spit out my zucchini bread sample.

MURIEL: . . .

MURIEL: Don't think he realized what was in it. He is allergic to squish. *squash*

WINONA: Knew there had to be a reason. 🤔

DIANE: Skylar told me that zucchini date bread was her favorite.

WINONA: Interesting because I don't remember Skylar coming to the booth. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Ava said they had some sort of fight. Happens a lot since the divorce.

CONNOR: Kin eye bi sum moor fuddle brainies?

moreEREDITH: Sold out, Connor!

DIANE: Read the chain, Con.

MURIEL: And please consider not using speech-to-text.

WINONA: Everyone loves fudge, right? Basically sugar and chocolate. Just like who doesn't love new romance? Sweet and fun, but big crash after rush. Empty calories.

MEREDITH: . . .

WINONA: Not yours, Meredith, of course. I loved yours! Afraid I've made a big pig of myself! 🐷 🐷 🐷

MURIEL: I hope everyone joins in on next year's mock sale. *bake* sale

WINONA: I'm not sure given the current custody arrangements and coordination with Ava's new teachers and therapists. 😬 Maybe I need some new recipes haha.

HANNAH: We're all here for you, Winona!

WINONA: TY. Know that I can count on all of you. 🙏

THAN: I don't have any of these numbers in my contacts. What is this about?

MURIEL: Daan, it's me. Us. Bake sale chat?

THAN: See now. [Hide alerts for this chat.]

CONNOR: Sari, measuring stiff. 3 fuddle brainies 4 me. TALK TO YOU LATER! ♦

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